Inspiration Coaching

The power that we have over our life is a common theme in the Coach’s articles. Last month an article discussed the power that we have to choose our future life. This article is focused on the present and provides some tools to respond to situations in our life in a manner that is in alignment with our values.

One of the classic events that gets most of us fired up or annoyed is when other people cut in front of us. This could be on the road or in the line up for movie tickets. We could react to the situation by flashing the headlights or tailgating or cutting back in front of the person or shoving them completely out of the way. Alternatively we could respond to the situation. The difference being that we take the couple of seconds to consciously make a decision on how to act in a way that is in alignment with our values.  For some of us the resulting action may be exactly the same. However, for others taking those couple of seconds may result in a different action such as taking a deep breathe and “letting it go” or deciding how to address the person who has cut in front so that we both feel that we have won from the interaction.

The important thing is to act in a way that is in alignment with what we believe is important.

Reactions have the potential to burn our limited energy on matters that are not really important and to negatively impact the relationships that are important to us. The ill feeling from an angry or frustrated reaction can impact our lives for hours and sometimes days after the actual event. Alternatively responses can energize us and help build positive relationships.

The examples above discussed situations when the other person in the event was a stranger. The importance and power of responses compared to reactions can be demonstrated more powerfully by reviewing interactions with family, friends and colleagues. Consider the following situations:

ü       Your son has gone to school with his room untidy again

ü       A colleague at work has gone over your head again

ü       Your holiday plans need to be changed because of an event outside your control

ü       A politician (maybe not a friend or colleague but someone you do know) has made another statement that you disagree with

Once again we have the choice to respond or react. If we react immediately without thought the action will likely be in alignment with the way that we have been “wired” by our past experiences. The undesired results of the reaction could be to tear at the fabric of an important relationship in our life or cause us to burn energy in one area of our life (e.g. work) at the expense of other areas of our life (e.g. family, health, community, friends). On the other hand a conscious response has the potential to find a solution to the underlying issue and at the very least will provide us the power to act in a way that is true to our values.

For example a considered response to the above situations could be:

ü       To take the opportunity (again) to find a way in conjunction with your son to motivate him to keep a tidy room

ü       To find a way to take advantage of the way that your colleague acts

ü       Look for a way to have a bigger and better holiday

ü       Take the opportunity to write to the politician or the newspaper to express your views.

The way to respond rather than react is to be self aware, i.e. look out for and begin to know the situations and events that get you fired up and aggravated. Signs to look out for include:

ü       Not Listening

ü       Anger and annoyance

ü       Shutting down

ü       Frustration

ü       Getting defensive

The next and final step is to decide what you are going to do. One possibility is to recognize the situation that has aggravated you, and then let the related feeling go and consciously decide on how you are going to respond. Alternatively you may decide that you cannot “let it go” at the moment but you make the choice not to act until you have had time to process the situation.